While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
you mean i was at the winter classic?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
