are you still at the devil's house?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
