he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
