Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
