Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
