I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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