billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Dear god my vagina.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
