Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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