my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I can't turn off my feet"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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