I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
