This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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