I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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