I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She's the barista slut.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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