Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
