...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
