This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
