this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
