U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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