The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
