Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
