this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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