If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize