can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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