If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
