she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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