just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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