don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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