Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize