Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
