so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
