I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
