all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
