There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
