The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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