I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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