I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
