I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
need another drink. this is the easiest way
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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