well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
