Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
