On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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