Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
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she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
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You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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