She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
me + whiskey = a bad person
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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