If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
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It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
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my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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