yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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