I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
