if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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