Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
