Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
