I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Randomize
