Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
