So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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