I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
