That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
