is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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