Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
