She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
