Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
