i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
