so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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