Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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